Wednesday, December 19, 2007

上个星期在网上发现现在PSP有不少好游戏而且都不要钱于是第二天就去买了台白色的搞得最近几天睡眠严重不足不过感觉很爽。

上星期在Vivo City看见一个美女突然有种被感动的感觉然后对视三秒一笑而过。我总是这样,明明想要的却从来不肯说出口,于是只好看着许多美好的东西擦肩而过总远地消失在生命当中,回忆中懊恼,我真他妈的虚伪和懦弱。

Thursday, December 06, 2007

宿命的得失

我喜欢睡觉,因为常常会有些奇异的梦境,而且几乎从来不失眠,但今晚例外。

想象,生命是一棵顺着时间盘绕而上的参天大树,每个分叉都是一个选择,而人生的悲哀在于在每个分叉口只能选择一次,回不了头也永远不会知道在其它成千上万的枝干上可能发生的快乐或是悲伤,于是在抉择中彷徨,在对错中迷茫。

我总是情不自禁地去想象,想象在过去从未发生过的事情,想象在将来也不会出现的场景,一幅幅画面和一段段搞笑的对话不断在脑海中闪现,虚幻而美丽动人,让我兴奋无法入睡。

或许,这只是一个寂静的夜晚,而我,也只是在宿命的得失中寻找平衡而已。

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Now I feel stuck in trading, I haven't made any money in last three months, and looks like it's always wrong no matter what I try to do recently, devastating.

For what I did before, they always can be done by hard studying and working, but it doesn't work for trading at all, seems trading always tends to break out the guideline of my knowledge, experience and statistic.

I thought I was going to be a good trader 6 months ago, but now I doubt it, I never feel such despairing that the opportunity is right in my hand but I just could not make it and all.

"The achievement without suffering is not reliable", it's what Gerard told me. I believe it and I never want to give up, but I've started figuring what I'd like to do in future other than being a trader.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Sunday Afternoon

The sunshine is wonderful today, I seat in front of the window for the whole afternoon after woke up at 2pm, watching the boats on river, watching the city under sky, and listening music quietly.
The sound of UM2 is incredible that it's hard to be described by any words, simple melody for all musics.

It sort of pissed me off yesterday that policeman blocked all the entrances to Tanjong Rhu and I had to get off taxi and walked home by near one hour at 4am!

Saturday, October 27, 2007

徘徊啊。。。

感觉已经好久都没写过日记因为最近风平浪静天下太平除了在公司搞期货输了点钱之外并没有什么事情值得哀怨。

上星期休了一个星期的假和江昱叶翼去热浪岛游泳潜水划船晒太阳看美女顺便讨论人生理想和宇宙哲学,结论是钱真是个好东西同时贱人朋友很重要。
我们划船出海一不小心还遇上了海难,要不是翼哥身体相当强壮和英语发音相当标准及时求救估计现在我们已经上报轰动海内外:仨英俊男子浮尸马国海域。

刚才和老牟潘哲看夜场的电影,Stardust,好看,只可惜我永远都不可能是男主角。。。

Saturday, September 22, 2007

I got fucked

I got totally fucked because I booked the premier sea view room at Redang Island for one week stay with my best friends but my visa to Malaysia was rejected today just because my passport is valid less than 6 months!

For me some things are worth to do without counting the cost, this is the one.
Redang is supposed to be fucking beautiful beach and Jiang Yu and Ye Yi are my best friends since many many years ago, it's fucking fun to talk and travel with them but I'm going to miss all of them!

I made calls everywhere and tried to dig out every possible solution but no way in next two weeks at all!

I haven't felt such miserable and regretful for a very long time......

Monday, September 10, 2007

Neither happiness nor misery

Seems I only write blog under three circumstances: bored, depressive and emotional.
Now I'm bored since it's 3am but I still have no intention to sleep at all.

Unconsciously I started thinking a lot again, and I found I'm becoming desperately impassive day by day as I have no specific feeling anymore when recalling past things.
I don't know whether it's good or not, but clearly I bloody hate to be a man without sentiments waiting for death.

Stayed at home for the whole day, sleep, play PS3, read "Treasury Bond Basis", neither happiness nor misery.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

爱的宿命

才看完“云水谣”,不痛只是麻木,一个人坐在窗前望着夜半没落的城市不停地思考人生活一辈子有什么意义和什么才最重要。

关于爱,我相信所有的童话故事,相信一见中情,相信坚贞和生死相许,但我也相信这一切都不属于我,我只是孤单地漂泊在这个世界上活在自己的理想和梦境当中,但是我不在乎,即使有机会再来一次我也会选择跟现在一样的生活。

在经历所有的快乐和痛苦之后,现在发现其实值得为之奋斗的目标只有一个:做自己想做的事情不用再畏惧任何人任何事。

突然想到读高中时候特别喜欢的一首诗,特别震撼:

我欲与君相知
长命无绝衰。
山无陵,
江水为竭,
冬雷阵阵夏雨雪,
天地合,
乃敢与君绝!

Friday, August 31, 2007

千万别给我机会,给我机会就由不得你们了!

在老穆的推荐下花了4天时间每晚睡4小时看完了“奋斗”,我从来都不怎么喜欢国产的电视剧但是不得不说这部拍得真不错。我会一辈子都记住里面的一些话,一辈子都羡慕里面的爱情故事,一辈子坚信友谊万岁。

之后一直在想我到底想要一种什么样的生活,很是迷茫,但又突然觉得我现在的生活就很好:拼命工作,拼命地玩,无牵无挂衣食无忧,而且前途似乎光明,我不介意花掉每个月赚的每一块钱,因为我坚信以后会赚的更多。我只要快乐。

前天又搬家了。
新地方还不错,在新加坡河旁边打开窗对面就是灯火辉煌的城市,而且大得让人寂寞。唯一的遗憾是房子在11楼,不怎么高。
朋友都奇怪为什么我老是搬家,其实我喜欢在过去两年住过的所有地方,但是总是待在同一个的地方多没意思,有种生活叫做流浪。

“我要努力!我要奋斗!”

Monday, August 20, 2007

夜半三点一遍又一遍地听着张惠妹的“如果你也听说”,有点困但不想睡,总觉得今天有些未了的心愿却又想不起到底是什么,于是就这样歪歪斜斜地躺在床上听着歌写着blog静静地想着。

星期五晚上罢工和Wilfred, Yewjinn, Sherman一起吃东西看烟火吃冰激凌看电影然后再吃东西。

星期六公司party,在Tangling Village。关于那个地方我什么都不想说除了真TMD是个好地方。

今天天气不错,大雨过后天阴阴的,凉凉的风卷着树叶到处乱飞。下午3点起床洗澡去公司升级服务器,晚上到老穆家玩魔兽一起吃东西。

明天应该早起,10点。好像要不够睡了。。。

Friday, August 10, 2007

Thursday ---
Just came home and took a bath, lying on bed and writing blog to wait my hair dry.

Seriously I'm fucking sleepy now since kept trading 14 hours without going out office. Naresh packeted spicy seafood pasta for me which is really my favor and I kept drinking water all the time.

Friday ---
Just came home and took a bath, lying on bed and continuing writing blog to wait my hair dry.

Seriously I'm still fucking sleepy since only slept 7 hours yesterday which is far from enough and watched the new The Bourne Ultimatum at Orchard after midnight just now, very good one!

Monday, July 30, 2007

Keep up and smile

It's my meditation day, stayed at home for the whole day, read, slept, read, slept, read, slept......

Finally after midnight I was starving and called Lao Mu to go eat Crab and Lobster at No Signboard Seafood, which reminded me the hard life I had when working there as a part-time waiter two years ago while I was still in school.

"Everyone gets their moment", I believe that. However no one could see or imagine what bloody terrible moments I suffered before. I will remember that period forever and never mention to anyone. Just keep up and smile!

Saturday, July 28, 2007

After failed the last exam of CCSP on Wednesday, I started trading German bonds and Euribor again.

Seriously trading is a bloody tough but interesting thing torturing me. I strongly felt that I was fighting with no one but myself, and all my fear, anxiety, pride, indiscipline and greed.

And my sight got worse and worse recently because stared at those screens more than 10 hours everyday...

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

It's just Monday and after finishing work at midnight Gerard took Nigel, Pojak and me to a club filled with prostitutes from Thailand.

As usual, I felt drunk very soon after some cups of drinks and went home earlier.

Truth be told, some girls there are fucking hot and I never doubt I will start engaging with them one day in future but not now because seems there are still much shame and fear inside me...

Monday, July 23, 2007

Just finished to watch the latest episodes of Entourage through the whole night, nothing to say but fucking good, made me excited.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

红尘万丈啊

惊世骇俗的李扬同学前天在qq上给我说这个世界真无聊要不是有女人折磨他他早就活不下去了,我一听就是知道他又被中意已久的女同学无情地拒绝了,并且又听到了他曾经听到过无数次的慰籍:“我们还是做朋友吧”!

我安慰他这又不是第一次了你早就应该习惯了所以不要这么忧伤,他说他忧伤是主要因为左手受伤了,我说你丫别老是用左手还是试试右手吧。。。

About last week

Tuesday, company's anniversary party at Scarlet Hotel.
Surprisingly I saw Farhan doing part-time job there and we ate and drank together which billed on company:) I do fucking miss time we had in school!

Yewjinn, Sherman and Shaun came to my office on Wednesday. We had Sushi for dinner and watched the new Harry Potter movie in Thursday morning. I really like VIVO City.

Friday is CQG party at Kazbar, nothing interesting except the food...

Slept at home for 12 hours on Saturday, bought some new CDs and contact lenses at Parkway, then played Warcraft at Lao Mu's house for the whole evening, just returned home.

I know it's a messed up week. I have decided no matter what happen tomorrow, I will to stay home to read and study the fucking CCSP --- 3 exams are coming next week as I passed 2 of 5 last week.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Regarding Yuyu

Yuyu was my classmate in primary school many many years ago. Now she's in US&A but we still contact on MSN once in a while.

I have to say that both my best buddy and I felt like her at that time but it's just a phase of my retarded infancy passed by very soon.

I also have to say that she was one of the prettiest girls at that time but seems the situation turned around during last decade by some unartificial and biologic reasons ruled by damn God who has the awful power of creation and recreation.

Surely she was fucking pissed when I talked to her about her current outer appearance yesterday even I was trying to be decent and civilized.
Otherwise I have to apologize that I always have the bad habit to enjoy irritating my friends by my honest words and faithful heart...... !_!

Anyhow people deserve truths and I don't give phony compliments :)

Friday, July 06, 2007

After work, drank and ate with those guys at some bars almost everyday this week, but I can never take more than two cups of alcohol...

Watched Transformers two times last weekend, one with Lao Mu and Pan Zhe, another one with Shaun, Sherman, Yewjinn and Wilfred.
I don't think the new movie is so great. The original cartoon made 10 years ago is still the best!

Betting soccer with Shaun recently. I actually have no idea about any of these matchs, but it's enough that Shaun knows.
I just feel when playing games with the people I feel happy with, win or loss is not so important anymore, like I'm still happy even we lost near 800 bucks this week...

I've started looking for a new house, as in Singapore I never stayed at a same place for more than one year, as there has one kind of lives called straying.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Storm is coming

After the talk with Gerard regarding his leaving in the afternoon, I really have no idea what's going to happen in next few months and how it will influence me, the only thing I could see is, storm is coming, for both demolishment and regeneration.

I tell Gerard I have no hard feeling about it even I'm right inside the storm and actually I'm willing to see the upheaval.

Honestly I don't have any plan or prospect right now because nothing except myself is in my control, I just feel sort of excited to see something interesting happen in my life even it comes with pains which won't be more severe than the ones I went through before.

I didn't choose anything, destiny chose me.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

I couldn't recall what I have done in last whole week except watching Entourage every night, and I have nothing to say about it except fucking good.

With regards to my work, it's supposed to be going on well, no one gives me presure and no thing pricks my ass, but I just really feel uncomfortable to do things without presures and adventures day by day, it's killing.

Still can't sleep before 6am and wake up before 2pm. It's considered to be decent to watch sunrise before going bed everyday...

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Happiness is simple and short

Don't need to think anything, don't need to worry about tomorrow, I'm feeling quite good now since nothing makes me feel bad, lying on bed, writing blog, listening Michael Buble's CD by my dear NE20 and UM2, fucking nice vocality, fucking happy night! Even I know it will vanish pretty soon...

Monday, June 11, 2007

Sunday

Sunday again, slept 12 hours and stayed at home the whole day for the potential possibility of study...

Read a book named "Treasure Bond Basis". I actually have no idea what a fuck it talks about even in the first chapter, but I still keep reading and devoutly praying for god's enlightenment.

Listen Michael Buble new CD which's just bought yesterday.
I strongly believe my voice was as gorgeous as him in my previous life and this's why my singing is unfortunately in an opposite way this life for some equilibrium reason...

Try to play "Legend of Heros 6" one more time, but can't get into it anymore...

Today I had nothing except litchi, eat litchi almost everyday recently. Its wonderful taste always makes me mad and cheerful.

Anyhow it's a fucking boring day to stay home, my unknown future girlfriend will be cryingly sad if she knows that !_!

Thursday, May 31, 2007

I thought my speaking English improved during last two years but I found I was totally wrong after listening the sound record of today's meeting.

No doubt I'm feeling ashamed of that fucking crappy and ugly sound I have. And I really appreciate the people who have been bearing with me day by day.

Anyhow, I'm seriously disappointed and ashamed of myself now. There must have a way out.....

Saturday, May 26, 2007

I make up my future

I'm never such convinced than this moment that to be a cursed person I have to painfully struggle with my inherent weaknesses and fears all the way till death. I'm feeling such strongly now that I should never stop making up my desperate future which would be dominated by no one except myself.

Nothing happened today, just fell into terrible depression again without reasons, might because of Gerard's leave, might not at all.

I just need to make change and be strong.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Night out...

I'm not feeling like to write now but it's quite bored and void since I just woke up from some bizarre dreams and couldn't fall asleep anymore.

There're plenty of night outs at TMG because of those robust and competent alcoholics who're trying to bring me down.
Whole company went to LIFFE party tonight at Raffle Hotel then extended the function to Post Bar which I didn't follow anymore. Last Friday was Jeffrey's birthday, La Baroque then Orchard Tower.
Actually I feel I'm losing myself but have no way to explain...... Seems everyone is bored naturally that needs stuffs to fill in, love, drinks, study, work, religion, whatever.

Bought new shoes with Lao Mu at weekend, happy.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

I can't make them right

It's a fucking bad day, absolutely.

My first love tells me online that she's going to marry. I feel fine. Then she tells me she's going to marry a guy who just meet for two months and he is 9 years older than her and divorced before. Then the only thing I realize all of suddenly is that there're always some mysterious and wizard principles I could not interpret and all.

Truth be told, I have no consideration with my marriage, for me it looks like jail of freedom, funeral of love. Anyhow I have no right or interest to judge it because I'm still a single and lonely pervert.

Lost US$1300 on trading today, feel totally fucked even I don't need to pay it and Gerard doesn't say anything about that. I have to keep thinking where I was wrong.

It's always irritating to myself: I perceive I did something wrong, but I don't know how to make them right even could travel back by a time machine.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

3 Years already

I have to make a mark for today: the same day 3 years ago, I arrived Singapore. Everything around me has changed during last 3 years, but I'm still the same, stupid, stubborn, and more snobbish. And I do feel satisfied with current living by laughing at myself or everything :)

Interestingly I had a bizarre dream after having some drinks with Berney, Nigel and Jeffrey at Orchard Tower yesterday: when I wake up from some dreams, I find I'm sleeping at the old house where I lived in 10 years ago, and I lost most of the memory, I keep thinking painfully why and how I'm here until wake up again. The dream of the dream is just as real as everything.

I guess the only comment I want to say right now for last 3 years is --- there are always some beautiful or interesting sparks shining in life that mostly depend on if we could see, ignite or catch them. If we could, we should hold them as treasures. If we couldn't, the only thing can do is smiling and keep them in memory, never forget.

Friday, April 06, 2007

It's done

Gerard called me at 4am to eat at Geylang just now like yesterday I went to 7-11 at 5am to buy bread.

Walked through the nature reserve park by 5 hours last weekend, quit nice. Play Warcraft when bored. Reading a fucking book called "Trading STIR Futures".

Actually I'm feeling absolutely bad the whole night, psychologically, no reason just like every time before.
Sort of start hating blogging now, I won't write anymore in a quite while for whatever reasons.
I'm done.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

"The Notebook" !!!

Just finished watching "The Notebook", damned movie! It makes me ashamed in first 20 minutes and makes me nearly cry at the end. I couldn't be thinking it as a movie anyhow, it's a beautiful fable.

What's love?! Perhaps a treasure that everyone pursuing desperately, but most likely just a passional and short phase for most of common people in the real world.
It makes me confusing and sorrowful once thinking about it. I don't fucking know!

I also tell myself I would never be waiting for death or anything in the chilly resthome or hospital when the age is despairingly old - I will end it by myself before everything turns pale and gray.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

9:43pm, in office, everyone has gone to LIFFE party except me, because I'm still sick and antisocial, snivel all the time.
Eating apple and listening music now, will go home soon after this, quite early tonight...

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Nothing to say, sick today because of aircon, headache but no one can see from my face, always like that...
Saw my auntie who came to Singapore for business in the afternoon. I respect her a lot.

Friday, March 23, 2007

I found I was wrong yesterday when collecting VISA and watching furnitures in today's afternoon: money does make a huge sense for me because there are many nice things I want...

Will leave for Malaysia at 6am which is three and half hours later, but I just arrived home, haven't taken bath, packeted stuffs and slept, sort of fucked...

Thursday, March 22, 2007

I swore to get up around 12 o'clock to go swimming from last week but never made it once, slept 10 hours everyday...

I'm still at a loss, don't know where is my next stage, just sit around in office, reading finance news and watching Eurex and LIFFE markets.

Likely I will leave for Malaysia in Friday morning with Yewjinn and other guys. However I have no idea where to go and what's going to do there, I just believe that it will be fun to have trip with them :)

Money keeps flowing out from pocket recently, don't know how and why. I'm not rich or anything, I just sometimes think I'm not buying a house or a car and I'm single thus money doesn't make too much sense right now.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Something definitely wrong

Something definitely wrong. I'm feeling quite uncomfortable because I suffered and struggled with so many pains before but now my life looks like such easy and soft all of suddenly. I realize those impulse and passion are going off from me and I'm becoming moderate and normal day by day. I really hate that, I need a breach.

Friday ---
Eat and drink at Harries Bar in the evening, which is named Company Party.
Go Kbox with Lao Mu, De Jia, Pan Zhe and Tong tong after midnight.

Saturday ---
Wash all my messed up clothes after waking up then go to Lao Mu's house. Play Warcraft with them for the whole day and whole night.

Sunday ---
Go Queensway and buy a running shoe with Yewjinn, Sherman, Wilfred then watch movie at Orchard.
"Messenger", it's a fucking horrible movie I'm always afraid to see. I had to close my eyes at the most time. Anyhow it's a boring movie.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Something is wrong!

Woke up at 2pm.
Met Yewjinn, Sherman, Caiqi, Wilfred at Bugis at 5pm then went eat and slack at Fish&Corps and Haagen-Dazs.
Had food with Gerard at Geylang after finishing work at 2:30am.
Just came home.

I keep thinking something is wrong recently because there has not too much thing to do at work and life becomes such easing...

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Seems haven't written blog for some days, sort of busy in last two weeks with working, hanging out and playing Warcraft3 with friends, watching Heroes and Little Britain series, and moving house.

So my new room is totally ok. The only disappointing thing is the view in windows is not as wide as before. It's just at floor 7, shame...

4am already. Arrive home after 2am everyday since I keep working more than 10 hours from Monday to Friday otherwise it's fucking boring to stay at home alone.

Put all force on Exchange Server 2007 last three days. It's easy and happy to make it running exclusively but it's always extraordinarily troublesome when security issues are involved into Windows system especial for email server that it still have to rely on Linux system and Firewall to safely communicate with Internet.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Right place Right time

Damned woke up at 8:30am this morning, took one hour MRT and saw Shaun at Woodland, for nothing, he just asked me to go RP with him and have lunch together because we're friends. We have been good friends since we were in school.

I do think people become friends or fall in love not because they match each other perfectly in the first place, perhaps they don't match at all, but they still become friends or fall in love just because they meet and talk at a right place a right time. That's the real matter...

Monday, March 05, 2007

"You Should See The World"

Went to some clubs at Geylang and Orchard Tower Friday night with Berny, Nigel, Jeffrey. There is some interesting entertainment happening there called prostitution. According their words: "You Should See The World".
Actually there do have some attracting girls who can catch me easily outside, and I never doubt that one day I probably would fall into that kind of hobby or natrual desire...
Arrived home at 7am, just drinking and touring.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

I'm not feeling such depressed for a long time, no specific reason, just feeling depressed, no one knows.
My body is tired and weak. I'm seating in office but don't want to do anything, waiting to die.
Don't know what to say, just want to have a long long sleep, if I could......

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Laughing and Crying

I lost many things before, I felt crying sad, but I'm still alive because I gained a lot of things at the same time, like the trip back to Chengdu last week.

Nevertheless I'm not feeling like to describe any fucking beautiful or crazy things happened last week. They like precious treasures only belonging to the people who open it, never forget.

Besides the personal stuffs, Chengdu's development in last three years really shocked me. I could see how wealthy and flourish it has been. It has every luxurious thing Singapore has with same prices. For eating and shopping, Chengdu is definitely a much better heaven.

Sometimes I really feel badly pride and excited because of my friends, my knowledge, and my prestige, but I'm still crying sad with those lost things...

These pictures are taken by my cell phone K750 during the three day trip to Hailuo Valley:











Sunday, February 18, 2007

It's supposed to be a new year again and again

It's the eve of Chinese new year, no meaning for me.
Had dinner with Gerard at 11pm then went to Mustafa at litte Indian first time to exchange some money for this morning's trip.
It's amazing that Mustafa is a such big shopping mall open 24 hours and people are so crowed inside. Actually I feel quite comfortable to walk around there even it's after midnight, even I'm alone. I have liked that messed place :)

Just remembered I forgot to write something about the Valentine Day on last Wednesday. It's totally sweet and perfect except I'm single. Woke up at 2pm, arrived office at 3pm, eta and went shopping with Yewjinn and Shaun at 5pm.

My fly back China is in this morning, pitifully only 8 days:

1th day --- arrive at 5pm, father and mother will pick me up.
2th day --- hang out with my cousins, have dinner with relations.
3th - 5th day --- go to Hai Luo Valley with a bunch of nice fuckers.
6th day --- see the classsmates of senior high school
7th day --- don't know. I really want to meet Li Yang, who has one of the most ugly face and brilliant philosophical mind in the world that influent me a lot when we were roommate in university :)
8th day --- don't know

Monday, February 12, 2007

Shopping is always good

4:39am, just took a bath after finishing sending some working emails, don't know what to say, just not feeling like to sleep even I have to wake up before noon for CME lunch today...

Bought a nice sweater yesterday, because I don't want to be frozen when arriving Chengdu next week.
Bought a pair of black leather shoes today, but I never like to wear it, it's only for special business occasion which happens once a month. My old TimberLand one wore out last week all of suddenly. I always like TimberLand's shoes since it's so conformable that I really could feel the touch of the ground.
Also bought some underwear and CD.

Ok, I should stop bullshit and go bed now... Shopping is always good

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Saturday, Afternoon, Sunny

It is a super wonderful weather to go out today and I really want to go shopping but don't know which one to call, pathetic :(

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

I will be back!

Finally I decided to go back Chengdu for one week in Chinese new year after talking to Jiang Yu and Ye Yi online.

I haven't seen them for three years but I strongly believe they're still fucking indecent and snobbish as we were in university and that's why I like them so much that we would do all kinds of shit things together :)

Nevertheless as soon as I made my mind, a few annoying things came out for me to settle before leaving...

Saturday, February 03, 2007

A lot of things happened this week. I'm still the same.

...........

Deleted all what I just wrote in halfway because of tiredness and boreness.

Monday, January 29, 2007

That's all

One more weekend has gone, nothing remarkable.

Watched S.H.E. concert with Shaun in yesterday evening. It was still rainning after that but I couldn't find any cab then I had to keep walking until the rain wet all my clothes.
Gerard called me at 2:30am for supper. I went out again.

Today, slept at home the whole day. I'm always fucking good at sleeping problely I have some kind of sick inside.
Had barbecue food with Lao Mu, Pan Zhe, De Jia and played Warcraft3 with them at night.

That's all, all my life.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

I must become tough

3:11am, Saturday morning.
Just arrived home because I had to make a phone call with Susan at Chicago regarding the replacement of eCBOT gateway, then had some square fish at LauPaSat, the only nice food there, alone.

Had a tough conversation with Mike in the evening.
Actually I realized I'm a weak guy a long time ago and I'm always trying to become tough but it's just fucking difficult to go against natural.
Anyhow Mike's a brilliant person to work for.

Bought a new game pad today, can not wait to try it :)

Thursday, January 25, 2007

6:25am, 25th

It's totally weired tonight: I got bed at 4am but couldn't fall asleep till now and had to get up to write blog.
I was keeping thinking and making up many scenes in classroom which could happen but had never happened before. There's no sadness or depression, conversely, they're crazy and funny and make me smiling and really excited.
Nevertheless they're just my well fantasy that will disappear anytime in next minute, after that I'm still a pathetic guy...

Dreams

I dreamed classroom yesterday, again. It's always crowded and boiling, full of mad laughing.
Actually I not think about it at daytime at all, it just bumps out unconsciously.

Also dreamed going back China.
It has become a sort of annoying problem because I didn't go back near 3 years, there're so many relations and friends to see but I'm really lazy and afraid of troublesome routines.
I'm even thinking to fly back sneakly and just hang out with those friends I'm willing to see...

Anyhow, I learned a new word from Dreamfall yesterday: PATHETIC. What else I could say?...

Otherwise, something haunted the whole day, but it released immediately after midnight...

Monday, January 22, 2007

Nothing to say because I stay at home the whole day, play game, eat noodlecup and icecream. Now my mind is quite numb.

Everyone asks me if I would go back China in Chinese new year, I tell everyone I don't know.
Maybe yes, maybe not, no one knows, probably not...

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Tired today, start working at 10am, meet Wilfred, Yewjinn, Shaun, Sherman and Caiqi at Orchard at 2pm, then back to office at 9pm, just arrive home.

It's always happy to see and talk to them, eating, cuting hair, shopping, watching movie, and eating again.
They will graduate from school in two months. I was supposed to be graduated with them before... When looking back, sometimes I still feel I'm a student...

My M6N crashed last week. Guess it's because of the virus got from surfing porn. It's bloody ashamed that even I got virus...

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Best Wishes to Linda

She is the girl I saw first day in school at May 2004 because of her beauty, she was in white T-shirt and short skirt at that day, however we never talked or knew each other, and we won't talk and know each other in future, but I still could remember her because of her blog, which is full of wonder love.

I didn't read her blog for about one year, I found it in my bookmark today...

Nothing to say anymore except "Best Wishes" --- I rarely give anyone wishes, so I strongly believe it's special and efficacious :)

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Crazy Wedding

Seat in office again, alone, listening music, writing blog, working on the configuration of those routers and virtual machines.
Actually no one asks me to come to office at weekend at all, I'm just bored and it's my duty and burden...

Bought a 1G memory for my M6N at Fu Nan just now. It's a bit lag to play some high quality 3D games now, however, it's always beautiful since I got it 2 years ago :)

Attended a wedding with Huang, Wen Juan, Qian, Lao Mu, Pan Ze, De Jia, Tongtong yesterday, ate and played Warcraft III with them till 4am.
It's really nice to see all of them together, they're the only friends from China I have now.
The grand wedding is not bad, at least better than what I thought. However the mad point is, I've no idea who the couple are and I'm not invited at all... I just go with them for fun and food...

"how is the wedding?"
"food is good"
"When're you going to marry?"
"No idea, I think I should find a gf first"
"......"

Saturday, January 06, 2007

3:45am, just arrived home with a cup of icecream. I started working around 3pm today and left office at 3am. It's my crazy job, I could do whatever I like during it but I must be present whenever I'm needed.

Had a glass of drink outside with Mike and Gerard after midnight, just one glass made me feel sleepy...

Anyhow, I'm going to have a long long sleep tonight, feel sort of sad now...

Friday, January 05, 2007

Only sleep 4 hours everyday in last 5 days, hanging out with friends for the damned new year and playing game day and night.

"The Legend of Heroes VI", it's a fucking brilliant RPG game made by Japanese. I realised it's not about fun and interest anymore, it's about passion and dream :)

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Saw my cousin online today and she asked me to write an English composition for her teacher, the title is "A Special Job".
I was feeling really troublesome... After thinking for a while only found three jobs which were supposed to be special in my mind: Spy, Killer, Prostitute...
And here is the composition I wrote for my cousin. She feels happy with it...

My job is simple and special: hide, shoot and disappear, because I’m a killer, a quite good killer in the world.

Actually I’m a meciful person who don’t kill any animal even a fly normally except for a specific reason like money. Money always causes me to become bloody and brutal. Money also causes other people to become like me, but they just don’t dare to kill.


I have no enemy since few people know my existence, and the people who know my existence and try to be my enemy have been sleeping underground.

That's about my job, KILLER, simple and special.