When I get in a taxi and keep thinking where is my house, the driver tells me "Meyer road". I'm absolutely stunned and ask "how do you know that?". He says "I took you before"... It's how I got home at 1:24am tonight.

Everything goes on quietly as it's ordinary pace recently, no danger, no accident, and I'm still safe.
Sometimes I do feel happy like when hanging out with friends, eating nice foods, watching movies, and when 6 people crowded and slept in a small room at Yewjinn's birthday night. Otherwise, we bought a red bra with our signatures as the brithday gift, took more than one hour to walk home after watching movie in the midnight...
However at most of the time, it's just quiet, everything emerges and disappears without any sense.

Had some food at Laupasha before going home just now, square fish and fried rice. They're actually for two persons but I ate them up by myself because I always have a good appetite and I'm always alone...

Still hazy......

For memory, for all the good things I lost

I feel bloody bad right now. It's my legacy, very hard to explain, which happens periodically.
Don't know what to say, don't know what to do, but seat here quietly, enjoy this suffocating torment, for memory, for all the good things I lost that will never come back......

One hour later ------

All of a sudden, a terrible truth sparks in my mind:

In last one year and four months, I dropped out school and kept working day and night without rest, gained some kind of accomplishment out of my age, however, unconsciously, I slowly fell into a deep hole without fun, without friends, without diverse lives, but just working. I think I'd been caged in a colorless world!

Fuck!!!

I don't know what to do to get rid of this, I know I have no way to fall back, I have to believe that it's the desperate life everyone has to experience, but I do bloody hate it more than anything else!

Suddenly I feel like to have a cry...

I should mention that FOW launched again from last Monday to last Wednesday in Singapore. As same as last year, there're a lot of dinner parties and conferences. As same as last year, no one notices me because I always keep quiet and don't talk to other people too much.
I think I terribly lack that kind of natural inherence of talking. I'm not shy, but really don't know what to say at most of the time.

Watched movie at home in the whole afternoon yesterday and had dinner with Huang, Lao Mu, Cheng Xing, and we went to Kbox.
I have no interest to write down how horrible my sound is again...

Went shopping and eating alone at Bugis today. Crying stupid and sad, isn't it?
Called my parent just now. They're still good --- their lifes have been stuck and concreted that no more changes...
Anyhow, I need an early sleep tonight, hope tomorrow everything is fine.

Where's the Moon?

A.D. 2006 October 7th 2:55am, I'm still alive.

Today, maybe yesterday, is supposed to be Mid-Autumn Day --- Ruijuan reminded me that on MSN in the afternoon and I realized it immediately because there always has a bunch of mooncakes in office recently, of which I eat everyday but never enjoy too much...

Actually I saw a big celebration for Mid-Autumn festivals outside where's not far from my house last week, but I forgot it soon since it doesn't mean anything to me, like any other festivals also don't mean anything to me.
If you're happy, every day is a festival, if not, fuck them off.

Stayed in office till 1am just now, kept trading futures at the fantastic Mid-Autumn day, and lost 300 Euredollars.
It's ok, I shouldn't feel any upset with it. The first rule for a prime trader is to eliminate all the human been emotions. Everyone knows it but no one could make it absolutely...

Just opened the window and intended to see how bright the moon is tonight, but where is it?