No one can imagine how bad situation it becomes today, for Gerard, for Naresh, for Li Peng, for Foochye and for me.
MAN is going to shutdown our global electronic trading center in SGX on next Monday and it means perhaps I could not stay in Singapore anymore.
Jeremy from UOB comes to our trading center today.
It's impressive that he sent me an email privately when we just fell into trouble three weeks ago, asking me to work for him. I was really delighted at that time and searched how to write the rejecton letter online for quite a while and replyed him politely.
Don't like UOB and it cannot solve the fucking problem I have now at all.
However, it seems like I am still calm now. It couldn't bother me too much though it's going to kill me, hehe.
Kept watching the EUR dollar and German bond market in the whole evening and actually made 10K dollars by 100K fund. Unfortunately, it's just a training account......
Go home early today becacuse there is only one trader tonight, an old man with robust energy like superman.
Anyhow, the feeling I have now is strange, despairing and liberative.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Keep asking myself, why blog?
Why do I blog? It's really a complicated question haunting in my mind.
Maybe it has been my habit that cannot be gotten rid of, maybe it's a tool for treating the boring time and abreact my terrible emotion, maybe I just want to flaunt these things I did to all the people - sometime I am really proud of myself, at the same time, I know I sux.
Somewhat emotional now.
Went to Tampines's Challenger yesterday, going through all these new PC games.
At that time, really want to buy a nice game and play it without day and night at home for a week. However, I cannot do it, at least, cannot do it now.
Just ate up half of a watermelon by spoon, and there are two pieces of cheese cake waiting for me. Bought them when came back from Qian's home in this evening.
Stayed at Qian's home last night, because he asked me to teach him Linux, and it's because he is applying for a job which requires him to set up linux LAMP and a simple mail server.
However, never noticed it was such terrible for me to be a teacher! I have no patience at all and the most afficting thing is I have to hide my vexation to the kind friend.
Anyhow, never concent to teach anybody easily in future though I don't mind to share whatever I know.
This weekend is really silly and should wake up early tomorrow.
New week starts, the way to find new life starts.
Maybe it has been my habit that cannot be gotten rid of, maybe it's a tool for treating the boring time and abreact my terrible emotion, maybe I just want to flaunt these things I did to all the people - sometime I am really proud of myself, at the same time, I know I sux.
Somewhat emotional now.
Went to Tampines's Challenger yesterday, going through all these new PC games.
At that time, really want to buy a nice game and play it without day and night at home for a week. However, I cannot do it, at least, cannot do it now.
Just ate up half of a watermelon by spoon, and there are two pieces of cheese cake waiting for me. Bought them when came back from Qian's home in this evening.
Stayed at Qian's home last night, because he asked me to teach him Linux, and it's because he is applying for a job which requires him to set up linux LAMP and a simple mail server.
However, never noticed it was such terrible for me to be a teacher! I have no patience at all and the most afficting thing is I have to hide my vexation to the kind friend.
Anyhow, never concent to teach anybody easily in future though I don't mind to share whatever I know.
This weekend is really silly and should wake up early tomorrow.
New week starts, the way to find new life starts.
Friday, November 25, 2005
New Start
3:33am right now, nice time to write blog.
From Foochye found my old blog and exposed it to Gerard and Naresh last time, I have stopped it for about one month.
I was indeed irrtated at that time, but it's ok now and don't want to abuse he is a fucker any more because it's really not easy for us in recent weeks.
Bored now and cannot fall asleep. This is why I am writing at this place this time.
First time gave friends some testimonials just now, but don't think all of them cannot be proved.
My blogging started from the November last year, one year already, such long, such short.
As I repeat writing these things happening around me again and again, it seems like they happen again and again without renewal. Life is a circle.
I have felt somewhat tired of it now and don't know what to write down anymore.
Didn't go to school for a long time, work everyday more than 12 hours, the living is fucked up.
Refco has been purchased by MAN and the whole company collapsed quickly. Everyone looks like sad and depressive, but not me. I don't tell anybody actually I am not afraid of such ruin - Collapse destroys all the things, at the same time, new stage rises for new people, full of fatal dangers.
RP amazing race will launch again tomorrow, unfortunately, no me anymore. Still remember Yewjinn, Wilfred and I were the pitiful loser last year.
Anyhow, don't want Gerard read my blog in future though he is an excellent boss. Don't like being monitored potentially everyday and there should be no thing to be the care of my blogging.
I don't mind people reading my blog, except fuckers and the kind persons who stay with me everyday.
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