Ok, it should be a new year

For me, there hasn't any difference between festival and any other day. It's just an excuse or a convention for doing something which common people don't do usually. Otherwise, I sort of hate it and all because people always have some phony greeting and smile at those days.

The day of chinese new year 2006 is Jan. 28th.
I woke up at 12 clock, took a bath, then started reading the document sent by Stefan. It's a sizing guidelines of EUREX's MISS gateway, the fifth direct connection of futures market we will have.
Played Warcraft with Panzhe, Dejia and Lao Mu in the afternoon, and went to see Qian and Chenxing and some other guys I didn't know in the evening.

Chenxing was sore as hell, because of love - people are always hurted by love.
He drank and talked a lot at that night, drunk as a bastard at last.
I didn't how to comfort him at all or I even didn't expect to comfort him. I know they are much more sophisticated on it than me and I really don't feel like to talk about it too much.
Ironically, I always believe my way and lose my way. My friends think me stupid, and sometimes I also think them stupid.

Stayed at their house over night that night. One reason is I was bored and they are nice guys, another reason is "Final Fantasy X" attracted me as hell.
None of the RPG games I played befored likes FFX. It likes a fantastic and brilliant moive. I am practically the character of the moive!
Planning to buy PS3 since it though I don't feel like Janpan and all.
However, it's sad that the dream living I want only exists in the game or fiction.

Jan 29th advented!
Playing FFX for the whole day and had dinner with Qian.
I never expected to have such wonderful chinese food in Singapore before this day. Chili crab, Fish soup, Steamboad, all of them are fucking original and nice as same as I had in Chengdu two years ago.
Everyone knows I have a great appetite, especially today. And it's the first time I felt sort of moving with the food!

Nevertheless, the thing which makes me depressive all the time is, I miss those crazy buddies in China and the girl I like.
I am always asked when will go back China, but there is no answer, and all.

Wait......

Now I'm still seating in the office, facing the vast and empty room. All of them have left, but I don't, I do not know where to go.
I'm not supposed to feel such lonely and all. There are many friends and many things everyday. But I indeed feel lonely once no one is beside or nothing to do.

Played netball in school yesterday with Caiqi, Jielin, Shaun, Yewjinn, Haidong, Cindy and some facilitators.
I always take position "C", since I cannot shoot nicely and I'm also too short to be a good defender.
Obviously, these facilitators aren't young enough to defeat us:)
The picture is faint, but I like it. It was taken when we were waiting Cindy to go eat after playing.
The dinner we had last week is also amusing.

This week is important for me. The CEO of TransMarket will come to Singapore tomorrow.

There hasn't many things to write down, or it's boring to write down.
I think I should leave now and find some nice food.

I see the living I want, but I won't get forever because it only exists in the fantastic fiction.

I am listening music now, Joy Chou's music, by my wonderful CM7. I like his songs, they always make me fall into deep quiet, looking at everything chillily.
I feel comfortable at this moment and all.

Played soccer with Yewjinn and Shaun and his friends and some Malayan at Jurong east from 11am to 1pm this noon.
The sunshine was malicious that time, burning my skin which was full of sweat. I kept running and running. Eventually, I was feeling sort of dizzy because didn't play soccer for about half a year and didn't have any food in the morning. Anyhow, I haven't been too old to keep standing up.

Went swimming with the guys who stay with me as soon as I arrived home in the afternoon.
The feeling of exhaustion isn't too bad for me.

Read a lot of stuff recently. However, the more things I read, the more suspicion and haze I have regarding the value, the objective of my life.
From scientists' general sight, there is an uniform theory directing everything in universe. It means human's behaviors are also dominated by the theory. We can call it as destiny.
From the front-end quantum theory, we even cannot exactly measure any thing in universe.
From my sight, the physical structure of Man's brain restricts us to fully understand most things in the world like gods or something else. It's despairing.

Otherwise, some fantastic fictions drive me mad recently.
I do admire that kind of legendary living, die in war, fighting for honor, ideality, and love, but it's the living only existing in the ridiculous and splendid imagination that I will never have.

Sleep a lot everyday. I heard a professional said clever guys sleep 6 hours each day and stupid guys sleep 8 hours each day. Nevertheless, I belong to none of them because I sleep 1o hours...

Probably I will go to Sydney next next week and work there for some time.
I would like to go but I indeed don't feel any delightful with it. It's bloody stressful once I think about it.

no mood, no blog

I don't have any mood to write blog recently at all. I am writing this now is just because I am fucking bored at this moment.

Depression dominates me everyday, without any specific reason.
Everthing goes on wonderfully around me. I am supposed to be a fucking happy guy in the world. However, I said I have some terrific psychic problem which is going to kill me.

The only thing made me sort of excited last week is the "great change" we will have with TransMarket.
I have to admit I am fucking lucky guy.

Kept reading a very long fantastic fiction and playing WOW day and night last week. I would have fallen.

There is no reason for me to write anymore. It's such void and tired...

George Soros and got fired

The most famous thing Soros did in the finicial market is he won 1 billion dollars just in one day by trading pound futures at 1992. I heard this impressive story from Naresh.
In this afternoon, Soros gave a speech at Raffle City in Singapore. Gerard, Foochye and I attended it and it's funny that we seat in the first VIP row just because no one knows who we are.
All Soros talks about isn't finance at all. It's about Open Society and democracy. He tries to use his huge money and terrific influence to spread the Open Society in the world. The crucial thing is, sometimes people have to seat down and listen to him because they respect him and be sort of afraid of him.
He has been 75 years old. From my sight, it's really too old for a person to enjoy the countless fortune.

Actually, I couldn't understand most of the speech because of my fucking english ability.
It really depresses me as hell that I still cannot pronounce English well or even express what I think properly.
It has been the most serious obstacle bothering me everyday. I feel fucking irritated with myself.

One more thing, I got fired today, in the morning. Man Financial fired all 5 of us just because they don't want this department.
It's totally ok, all the things are under our prospect and I got a good termination payment.
It's supposed to be a big money for me. However, I indeed have no feeling with it. I notice maybe the only impressive and valuable money is the next dollar I will spend but not the number in bank. I practically don't know why I have this strange thought though I still a poor guy at all.

Otherwise, I got some serious problem right now, regarding if I can stay in Singapore anymore.
I don't feel such worried as before because Gerard and Naresh are the people can trust.

It's my holiday

It started raining when I was playing WOW over night yesterday, and there is no tend showing up it will stop soon.
The rain is big and continuous and all. All the sideways have become small rivers.
The cool wind is similar to the one in China's spring, blowing my face.
How rare and wonderful weather in Singapore.

It's a good news that Mike will come to Singapore again next week with his IT guy. We will try to figure out the new network infrastructure and guide line.
I hope it would be as busy as before. I practically cannot endure this fade and floppy living anymore.

The thing I want to tell right now is, the fucking holiday always let me feel bored and lonely and lapsed as a bastard.

When I was buying the cheese cake in the morning, the old lady asked why I didn't come yesterday. I felt sort of uncomfortable with this question and didn't know how to answer. I just cannot say "none of your business".

Had dinner and some expensive but not as nice as its price icecream with Cindy, Jielin, Caiqi, Sherman and Yewjinn at City link yesterday.
I payed the dinner bill first time because I felt like to.
It's really a vivid and amused meeting and it's really a long period since the last time we met.
Collected my new pants at Suntec City at the same time, but I am not sure whether it's nice and all.

I went to school in this afternoon because the library had sent me overdue notice two times for those two books.
Obviously, there is no reason for me to be afraid of going back, I never betray or abandon the school, but I did feel it on the way, like I never feel like reading the blogs I wrote in the past.
The feeling is hard to explain for anyone.
Perhaps it's because the campus has mixed too many my feelings, or perhaps it's because the weather was damn gloomy at that time, half of the sky was covered by the dark cloud and the rain wetted through my body again on my way back.

When I was trying to find a pretty girl in the library, Yewjinn called me. Then I had to leave and meet him with Jielin and Shaun for the dinner and a movie, one of the most lousy I ever watched.

Weird dream

That dream was really long yesterday.
I dreamed I was jailed in a prison for four years with some old friends.
The weird thing is, the dream was such substantial and it was really as long as four years. While I woke up, I practically felt I had slept several years. However, it was only 9:55am and all.
All these things in dream are illusive, but the feeling is as real as anything.

I think the reason I had that strange dream is because I play online game too much recently and there are always many redicious imaginations in my mind.
When I have nothing to do like being in the train, some conceited and black humor illusions will rise. They delight me and let me feel painful.

It's bored as hell in the new year holiday. It seems like I am a pathetic person abandoned by the convivial world.
All of a sudden, I feel like to go back China. I imagine there should be many funny things to do with those crazy buddies in China.
I have decided to go back at the end this month if work is still as idle as recent days.

Those friends staying in the same house with me right now are friendly and kindly, but I don't feel like going out with them and I don't think we will be close friends.
The only reason is, I could hardly get any impressive passion from them. It really depresses me sometimes.