仙人的指点

本来今天不想写blog的，突然想起昨天跟李扬同学在QQ上的对话。当时不觉得怎么样，刚才在回家的路上想起来笑了好半天。

(2006-05-29 15:06:06) 惑
大仙，小生一事不明，可指路？
(2006-05-29 15:06:31) 坏叔叔
说
(2006-05-29 15:06:49) 惑
何为情？
(2006-05-29 15:07:41) 坏叔叔
不知
(2006-05-29 15:08:33) 惑
情从何来？
(2006-05-29 15:10:46) 坏叔叔
不知
(2006-05-29 15:10:49) 惑
情归何处？
(2006-05-29 15:11:42) 坏叔叔
不知
(2006-05-29 15:13:11) 惑
原来大仙也为情所困
(2006-05-29 15:20:20) 坏叔叔
不，
无情，
何来困？
(2006-05-29 15:21:20) 惑
可赐忘情草？
(2006-05-29 15:33:26) 坏叔叔
反复手淫
(2006-05-29 15:42:34) 惑
大仙真内行。。。。。。

阴天

从昨天晚上9点睡到今天早上11点，最后被风吹醒了。睁开眼睛往外一看，又是阴天。
趴在窗边模模糊糊地看着外面的世界，吹着冷冷的风，很爽。又快要下雨了吧。

昨天在家洗衣服，然后一个人去Tampines吃饭，玩游戏机，看电影。
3件毛衣，11件T-shirt，5条裤子，算算应该有1个月没洗衣服了吧，真让人痛苦。
X-Man3还不错，但是可惜的是，我不是X-Man。
玩游戏机的时候突然想起了很多以前的事情。初中每天5点过放学，然后和一帮同学在游戏厅待到8，9点，回家就说加课。那时候很穷，大部分时候都是在看别人玩，而且还要担心被老师抓。。。

外面果然下雨了，伴着雷声。

才回家。在7-11买了一袋葡萄面包和一盒苹果汁，回家路上边走边吃，算是晚饭。

突然觉得没有什么东西好写的，一天就这样过去了，好像什么都没有发生过一样。

昨天晚上在Fullerton Hotel Post Bar里面的一杯Whisky Sour让我回家倒在床上就睡，睡到今天早上11点。。。
前天晚上10过下班和Gerard去上海宋吃螃蟹。

明天要争取8点过起床！很久都没有这么早起过床了，虽然经常都有早起的打算。可是现在还不想睡。。。

阿拉丁的神灯

今天又是星期天，现在我又一个人坐在公司里面。本来打算做的事情，突然什么都不想做。静静地听着音乐，写blog，什么都不想想。

中午Tom, Allision在Raffles Hotel请客，自助餐，我一看就崩溃了，告诉Gerard:"it's better than my imagination”。现在都还很饱。。。
昨天晚上和拜五晚上都跟钱和老鹰去打球看电影。Davinci code场场暴满，但Over the hedge比Davinci Code好看。
昨天天气很好，起床，游泳，然后和Farhan, Alfi, Azar在乌节路从下午2点逛到晚上9点。累了就坐下来吃东西喝水，然后又走，然后又吃东西喝水。。。Shidah在Fendi买了个包1500块，吓得我们话都说不出来。

刚才鼓起勇气在MSN上约美女去看电影，被拒绝。。。突然体会到了很多年前李扬同学日日夜夜的痛苦。下次在MSN上遇到他一定要和他好好相互慰问一下。。。
也不知道他现在怎么样了。

生存的意义是什么？每当我沮丧的时候都会忍不住地想这个问题。
可以肯定的说除了人之外所有生物生存的意义不过是繁殖。那人呢？我从来不认为人类比其他的物种高级多少，但我也不想承认我们生存的意义也是可悲的繁殖。
好累，不想再思考。。。

如果有一天我拣到一个阿拉丁神灯，里面蹦出来一个神仙或是恶魔并且问我有什么愿望，我会坚定地说：请给我永恒的死亡。
我并不介意死亡，如果我不会再生。我并不介意死亡，如果所有的人都忘记了我。

头发长出来了

沮丧的一天。什么都不想做，什么都不想说，就这样过了一天。

晚上一个人去Bugis逛街，买了件短袖的毛衣。明天就穿。
吃晚饭的时候先吃了一盘菜饭，觉得很不爽，又吃了一大碗韩国拌饭，才挺着肚子回家。

最近养成个坏习惯，没事就喜欢去狮城家园看看。我在想什么呢。。。

头发慢慢长出来了。三个星期前看到过我的人都说我头发长得快。
又是一个轮回。

今天星期天

早上11点28分，一阵雷声把我吵醒，外面又下起了大雨。在半梦半醒间听着哄哄的雷声和哗哗的雨声，很爽。

昨天中午也是下雨，我刚才出家门就下雨，很大。站在雨中打了辆车，全身都湿透了。
下午去Bugis找黄学台球，很有心得，可以打直线球了。下周继续。
晚上和老鹰，钱和他的女朋友去Geylang吃烧烤，正宗的中国烧烤。那是一家很偏僻破旧的小店，钱说是一个Temasek毕业的中国学生开的，突然觉得很悲哀。。。

今天哪都不去。

期待

很无趣的一天，除了那场电影。

中午跟石磊一起去吃的饭，大半年都没见到他了。我默默地听着他像以前一样无聊的东拉西扯。
之后去打台球，我以为他的技术大有长进，结果错了，我们居然还在一个档次。一桌球打了一个小时，让周围等桌子的观众痛苦不已，留下一片愤恨之气，消散不去。
突然好想找小黄学台球，至少以后不能再像今天这么丢脸了。。。

晚上蔡迪请我吃面包，我请她看电影，想想也有大半年没见过她了。她人很好。其他方面就不评价了，毕竟她还小，而且又是我表弟的表妹。按辈份算我是不是叔叔？

Mission Impossible 3, 从开头一直紧张到结尾。好久都没有看过这么精彩的片子了。可惜超人与英雄总是只存在于传说之中，不是我。
从电影院走出来的时候突然意识到最近几个月都没怎么看电影，错过了不少好片子，应该反省。。。

明天又应该干什么呢?......

如果。。。

半夜12：36，我一个人坐在公司里面打字。反正都这么晚了，再晚一点回家也不迟。

现在很是高兴，因为刚刚完成CME新的MDP的网络连接。和芝加哥那边的Lakhu在电话里面讲了一个小时，测试顺利通过。赞一下他的人品!
我告诉过Gerard和Mike，"we are the best，and we will continue to be the best"，嘿嘿。

还有一件事情。晚上和美女在MSN上聊了好半天，莫名其妙的兴奋。最后她说她要去看电视了。老罗不是都说过了吗：电视是给愚夫愚妇看的。。。

悲剧

9点到家，玩魔兽世界到现在。玩了几个月了，断断续续，略有小成，48级了！
都忘了是怎么开始的了。家里的人在玩，成都的那群贱人也在玩，于是我也就玩了。选人物的时候选来选去都不满意，样子都不像我，不够丑。

现在玩游戏的时间越来越少，以前天天通宵的峥嵘岁月只能用来怀念，剩下的是一群曾经为在精神上出生入死的朋友，好想他们。
每次都被问什么时候回去，每次的答案都是不知道。。。

刚才叶翼也在魔兽世界里面，公会会长，很腐败。
他告诉我阿暴明年一月就要和他的星星结婚了，把我吓了一跳，同时让我认识到为什么美女往往都是个悲剧。。。

突然想起很多年前张爱玲说过的一句很美丽的话：黄卷青灯，美人迟暮，千古一辙。

死亡的感觉

今天生理反常，平时10点都不想起床，居然早上6点就起来。可能是因为昨天睡太多。
昨天在家待了一天，哪都没去。看书，吃饭，睡觉。
突然发现睡觉的时候把十指交叉放在胸前很有意思，像牧师在祈祷，也像躺在棺材里听牧师祈祷的死人，原来两个的感觉没什么区别。

下午没事的时候跟几个几个朋友在qq和msn上聊天。今天心理也反常，话特别多。。。

在公司从早上8点半待到晚上11点半。一个人来，一个离开。疯狂的工作对寂寞的人来说是一件多么值得欣慰的事，哈哈~

今天天气很好，万里晴空白云朵朵。
起床，洗澡，写blog。

昨天有点疯。1点起床，看见前天msn加那个女生在线，主动打招呼。她也很友善，告诉我她急着出门，并且邀请我下次再聊。于是我也就出门了。
不知道为什么每次看她照片的时候感觉很奇怪。。。

去Borders买了本书，杜拉斯的"The lover"，很是高兴。已经找了很久。
然后跟Farhan，Shidah，herry和她男朋友去Borders楼上吃寿司。我好多余，本来以为只有Farhan会来。。。

晚上去Shidah订下的宾馆房间里面看电影喝酒看新加坡选举。
英国的黑伏特加，我只喝了一口，像是毒药，加了雪碧还可以。
其实新加坡选举关我屁事，但和一屋子的人一起欢呼骂人，很好玩。
我很喜欢他们，虽然大多数新加坡的马来人看起来都有些古怪和难以接近，但外表下面却是真诚和团结。

12点过后，Zouk很热闹。我又是第一个离开的，因为觉得好累，难道真的老了？

今天一天心情都不错，除了现在。

才到家。突然觉得好累，突然在想值不值得每天这么辛苦。想了半天，答案当然是值得，因为找不到任何不值得的理由。但此时此刻真的好累。。。失去了一切的目标，失去了一切的动力。

付出能得到什么？

资本主义也腐败了，动不动就请客吃饭。
上个星期五为了庆祝拿到工作准证，一起去了家法国餐馆，开了三瓶红酒，公款。其实我只喝了小半杯。
今天CBOT请客。生鱼片，蟹肉，鸭肝，蘑菇，三文鱼，羊排，外加三个甜点，用了三个小时才上完。真是累坏了美女服务生，上一道菜就要换一次餐具。

饭前在酒吧里的一杯vodka让我昏了一晚上。是在零下3度的房间里面喝的，全身都在抖，像个残疾人。终于明白为什么电影里面的俄罗斯人走路都带着一个破酒瓶。

明天早上要和Gerard一起讲演。Gerard一看就知道我不行，他很聪明。我也知道又要丢脸了，但不上还是丢脸，我很笨。

我爱中文

最近一直在问自己要不要继续用蹩脚的英语写blog, 最后的答案是 - 我是中国人，我爱中文。

第一次写blog是很多年以前的事情了，大概快2年了。那时候才来新加坡不久，吃了不少苦，受了不少打击，而且还找不到地方发泄，于是脑袋一晕，开始blog, 结果到现在都没停下来。
最初的目的之一是练习英语写作，熬夜写了很多篇，水平下降不少。
刚才看了看前几天写的，不忍。。。突然醒悟，原来英语跟中文一点关系都没有！

今天是5。1劳动节，劳动人民的节日，我一个人在公司待了一天。
可以不来的，但是在家也无聊，而且谁叫我身份卑微责任重大呢。遗憾的是，坐在这里什么都没做，听了一整天的歌。。。
今天心情又好郁闷，懒得动都不想动，周期性病发症。

什么都不想说了，又是一天，又老了一天。
外面都黑了，我要回家。

Who Am I ?

There are many weird dreams and affecting songs every night recently, driving me mad.
I dreamed my aged bear doll yesterday, the only doll I had in the whole childhood. I always put it beside my pillow many year ago. He was watching me every night. It's unintelligible I saw him last night, and all of suddenly, I missed him so much, nearly cry.

Rain is frequently this month. It's always sunny in the morning and the whole sky turns gloomy quickly in the afternoon, then the heavy rain comes down. I like this kind of weather a lot, you can see different views and breathe different airs just in one day. It's much more interesting than shining or raining all the time.

Saw her photos on friendster yesterday. Historically beautiful. This is the most intense praise I could find in my poor English glossary. At the same time, I am keen to sing my personality - it's fucking good out of earth.

Originally, I am bloody tired, bought some bread, milk and didn't want to go anywhere today, but RJ called me just now. The whole plan changed...
I haven't seen her near half a year. Actually I feel quite free and comfortable to talk to her because we are friends from senior high school.

The words told by Gerard make me seriously think a lot...... "you are the IT manager now, just do it, no need asking me"

Fragmentized memory

It's unexplainable that I suddenly lost all the passion to write blog two months ago though I'm always keen to remember all the things happened to me. My memory in last two months are totally cracked.

Yesterday -
Woke up at 11am, swimming.
Worked in office from 1pm to 7pm. No one is there and no one asked me to do this. It's just my duty. I have to keep working and studying.
Went to Orchard after that, bought a jeans in Guess. It's cost near 300 bucks. But I don't think I am spoiling money, I just want to get the thing I really want no matter how much it is.
Qian asked me to go Zouk at night. I didn't. I felt fucking tired because of the work and the birthday party on Friday.

Last Friday is Cheng Xin's birthday and I'm always a terrible joker though I never tell any joke - I hate all the traditional and genty jokes! Otherwise, I think my horrible singing in Kbox afflicted them the whole night...

Today -
I would have planned to go GETC, but eventually went to Marina Square with Yewjinn, Sherman and wilfired, because all of us are bored.
We spent the whole day there - waking, eating, drinking, waking, eating, drinking...
The pictures are when we were eating streamboat at Bugis a few days ago.

Listened music for three hours just now. I just couldn't stop once put the CM7 on.
Well, the time is 1:54am at this moment. Sleepy... but there are still some things I haven't done...

I'm from Shaolin

There are always some weird things happen when I wear a low-class white T-shirt and black jeans - the typical dress I like.
Actually I hadn't worn them for a long time, but I put on them today. Then, the weird thing happened.
I saw a girl who I hadn't seen for several years when I met Jiang Wei at bugis. Unfortunately, she doesn't know me, and I also don't know her. It indeed made me feel a bit upset for quite a while.

Everything happened to me recently is sort of weird and unintelligible.

I thought I would look like funny if I shaved all the hair, then I did it today, and it's indeed funny right now. I even coundn't stop laughing at myself when I came out from the haircut hourse.
The food court nuncle looked at me for quit a while, asked "why you cut you hair so short...".
It's strange that every people suddenly would like to ask me the same question. They're really oddfishes.
Trurh be told, I felt sort of sad and want to say sorry to all my hairs. They had been accompanying me long long time but I abandoned them eventually.

As far as now, the good thing is, I haven't felt any uncomfortable with my bald and shining head except a bit cold.
Anyhow, I don't so care how ugly my face is .

New Toy

I don't have any specific emotion to write blog in past one or two months. But it doesn't mean there is nothing happened. Dramatically, it's supposed to be one the most imporant period in my life for the last and the coming month.
No one see it, no one can understand it, and I's not going to tell the whole story to any one. I don't want my friends thinking I bullshit or anything, I also don't want they feeling I am different from them.

Got a wonderful new laptop on the suntec city's IT show a few days ago - Thinkpad X60.
Truth be told, I did feel sort of fear when I was making the big payment. I always have some terrible goddamn fears. Anyhow, it disappeared in ten minutes and I really love my new toy like I love every component belong to me.

It's hard to substantially appraise the messed living I have now...... The only thing I can say is, I was lucky, I found what I loved to do when I was 23.

Feel bad

I feel bad, now and the past a few days, even cannot breathe. One reason is I am a boring guy and the living is also boring. Another reason is I feel sort of stressful.
There are many things I should read and research for efficiently managing the trading networks and our new intranet. The problem is, I even didn't have any mood to do those things but I was forced and I had to. It makes me painful.
Anyhow, it's not the first time and won't be the last time. I have been used to it.

One of the reasons by which I like working for Gerard is, he never forget or trick what he says. If he says he wants to be the best, then he will. I would like to be an important chessman taking charge IT.

Got my big check from Judy and bought her a cafe in this morning. Seated in GETC in the whole afternoon.
I am feeling fucking sleepy at this moment. I am going to have a short sleep now.

The most sore thing in the world is, I can never know the truth because of holding back.

Two days

Monday---
Woke up at 11am, went to office after taking a bath and drinking some cold milk.
I always wake up at this time recently. It likes a boring holiday for me now.

Had dinner at a prime Italy restaurant with Naresh, Lipeng, Gerard and Henk.
It's a amused night. The pizzas and one shot of Rum mixed with lemon juice killed me.
Sometimes I indeed feel lucky to start the career with them.










Tuesday---
Had a meeting with 2 teachers at 3pm in school, regrading my status. I think they never met the same situation before and I sort of bothered them.

Saw Jielin, Caiqi, Shaun, Sherman, Yewjinn, Wilfred, Cindy after their class and we went dinner at a fish food restaurant. It's always crazy and joyful to go out with them:)
There was a bloody pretty foreign girl around us. She is the waiter in that restaurant. I was watching her, all of a sudden, I remembered those days I was working as a waiter...
I asked them if they saw her in school recently, all of them said no. I felt sort of strange and I wish she would be happy in Thailand.

Is she???

The night is dark and it started raining outside again. I am feeling sort of cold now.
Sunshine was bright and hot at daytime, but the rain was coming down with night quickly. What a wonderful weather in Singapore! It's a sufficient reason for me to like here.

Today is a boring day. I don't go anywhere and face a my laptop for a whole day. Only went swimming for a while after waking up because the sunshine was nice at that time - I was thinking why I still cannot swim more than 10 meters no matter how hard I try, the answer is, I'm too skinny to float in water easily...

I felt into some ridiculous imagination just now. I know it's stupid and childdish but I just couldn't stop it.
All of them are because of the strange girl I talked to by QQ yesterday. I just noticed possibly she is girl I saw in those pictures a few days ago.
I indeed hope she is, but some information tells me she isn't. It really drives me mad because I am affected by those pictures and I am keen to know the truth.

Anyhow, I must have a apple now for my empty stomach and stop to read some documentations. Gerard gave me 3 troubled questions regarding email service and I can never say "sorry, I don't know".

A knock

I am sort of excited tonight, no reason. I practically like this feeling, because it lets me know I am still alive.

Had chilli crab and steamboat with Jiang Wei yesterday, the third time I went there this week - you can see how much I like it! I think I shouldn't go there anymore next week because it's not cheap and all.
Didn't see Jiang Wei for a long time. We talked a lot and I stayed at his home overnight, watching some silly and boring TV shows into deep night.
Hello Kitty stuffs are full of Jiang Wei's house, T-shirt, bag, wallet, underwear, toy, anything you can imagine. He purchase them from China and sell to virgin girls in Singapore.
He also have a little dog. It's cute. Actually I prefer cat much more and I will buy a pair if I decide to feed any pet - I don't want them as lonely as me:)

Got home in this afternoon, took a bath, talked to a strange girl online for a while, then went to Orchard road to meet Farhan and Shidar.
We had dinner at a Japanese restaurant. It's a nice place, but, I really cannot take too much raw food no matter how good it is...
Afterward, saw some nice malay guys and had some soft drink with them.
Arrived home at 12 clock. Finally, I am feeling sort of sleepy now...

The Death!

Having some black chocolate and apple juice right now - they are the two things I love. All of suddenly, I am keen to write something about death.

I frequently feel fucking despairing with life. Why I am here? What I live for? What I should pursuit? All the terrific stuffs feaze me out of my control. Then I keep thinking a lot, including death.

Death isn't a terrible or fearful thing for me and all.
I always think it should be a good status being without consciousness, without happiness,sadness, and without anything else in the world like I was never born before. Perhaps this's death.
Otherwise, if there really have god and demon, angel and ghost, I will be more glad. I would like to see what the laws used to judge me and punish me.

Some people would have chosen suicide, like Zhang Guorong. I like him as hell and I respect him as same as I respect Jesus.
In my sight, he is the bravest people in the world who dares to offend death for getting the destination of life!
Frankly, I indeed feel sort of same motivity when I have been feeling into deeply depressive.
Death is the last thing we can pursuit! It's supposed to an end and a new start.

Anyhow, I never think I will kill myself in 10 or 20 years. There are still a lot of attractive and wonderful things in the world for me, accompanying with equivalent affliction.

Nice spring

I was headachy in the whole afternoon, because of a big cup of beer.
Perhaps the sunshine was too warm and the wind was too soft, all of sudden, I felt like to drink some beer when we were having lunch beside Singapore river.
Everyone would have seen how inferior a drinker I am. My face, even my whole body turned red quickly and I was feeling sort of dizzy. That feeling is fucking terrible.
Tell the truth, I never enjoy drinking and I still cannot understand why there are so many people addicted to it, like Naresh, Lipeng, and everyone else.
Sometimes I am really shamed with myself.

Today, school sent me a email, saying they will withdraw my place if I don't go back this week.
Definitely, there is no reason for me to go back, but I got some serious problem with the VISA and all.
Anyhow, I will try to figure it out tomorrow.

Ok, it should be a new year

For me, there hasn't any difference between festival and any other day. It's just an excuse or a convention for doing something which common people don't do usually. Otherwise, I sort of hate it and all because people always have some phony greeting and smile at those days.

The day of chinese new year 2006 is Jan. 28th.
I woke up at 12 clock, took a bath, then started reading the document sent by Stefan. It's a sizing guidelines of EUREX's MISS gateway, the fifth direct connection of futures market we will have.
Played Warcraft with Panzhe, Dejia and Lao Mu in the afternoon, and went to see Qian and Chenxing and some other guys I didn't know in the evening.

Chenxing was sore as hell, because of love - people are always hurted by love.
He drank and talked a lot at that night, drunk as a bastard at last.
I didn't how to comfort him at all or I even didn't expect to comfort him. I know they are much more sophisticated on it than me and I really don't feel like to talk about it too much.
Ironically, I always believe my way and lose my way. My friends think me stupid, and sometimes I also think them stupid.

Stayed at their house over night that night. One reason is I was bored and they are nice guys, another reason is "Final Fantasy X" attracted me as hell.
None of the RPG games I played befored likes FFX. It likes a fantastic and brilliant moive. I am practically the character of the moive!
Planning to buy PS3 since it though I don't feel like Janpan and all.
However, it's sad that the dream living I want only exists in the game or fiction.

Jan 29th advented!
Playing FFX for the whole day and had dinner with Qian.
I never expected to have such wonderful chinese food in Singapore before this day. Chili crab, Fish soup, Steamboad, all of them are fucking original and nice as same as I had in Chengdu two years ago.
Everyone knows I have a great appetite, especially today. And it's the first time I felt sort of moving with the food!

Nevertheless, the thing which makes me depressive all the time is, I miss those crazy buddies in China and the girl I like.
I am always asked when will go back China, but there is no answer, and all.

Wait......

Now I'm still seating in the office, facing the vast and empty room. All of them have left, but I don't, I do not know where to go.
I'm not supposed to feel such lonely and all. There are many friends and many things everyday. But I indeed feel lonely once no one is beside or nothing to do.

Played netball in school yesterday with Caiqi, Jielin, Shaun, Yewjinn, Haidong, Cindy and some facilitators.
I always take position "C", since I cannot shoot nicely and I'm also too short to be a good defender.
Obviously, these facilitators aren't young enough to defeat us:)
The picture is faint, but I like it. It was taken when we were waiting Cindy to go eat after playing.
The dinner we had last week is also amusing.

This week is important for me. The CEO of TransMarket will come to Singapore tomorrow.

There hasn't many things to write down, or it's boring to write down.
I think I should leave now and find some nice food.

I see the living I want, but I won't get forever because it only exists in the fantastic fiction.

I am listening music now, Joy Chou's music, by my wonderful CM7. I like his songs, they always make me fall into deep quiet, looking at everything chillily.
I feel comfortable at this moment and all.

Played soccer with Yewjinn and Shaun and his friends and some Malayan at Jurong east from 11am to 1pm this noon.
The sunshine was malicious that time, burning my skin which was full of sweat. I kept running and running. Eventually, I was feeling sort of dizzy because didn't play soccer for about half a year and didn't have any food in the morning. Anyhow, I haven't been too old to keep standing up.

Went swimming with the guys who stay with me as soon as I arrived home in the afternoon.
The feeling of exhaustion isn't too bad for me.

Read a lot of stuff recently. However, the more things I read, the more suspicion and haze I have regarding the value, the objective of my life.
From scientists' general sight, there is an uniform theory directing everything in universe. It means human's behaviors are also dominated by the theory. We can call it as destiny.
From the front-end quantum theory, we even cannot exactly measure any thing in universe.
From my sight, the physical structure of Man's brain restricts us to fully understand most things in the world like gods or something else. It's despairing.

Otherwise, some fantastic fictions drive me mad recently.
I do admire that kind of legendary living, die in war, fighting for honor, ideality, and love, but it's the living only existing in the ridiculous and splendid imagination that I will never have.

Sleep a lot everyday. I heard a professional said clever guys sleep 6 hours each day and stupid guys sleep 8 hours each day. Nevertheless, I belong to none of them because I sleep 1o hours...

Probably I will go to Sydney next next week and work there for some time.
I would like to go but I indeed don't feel any delightful with it. It's bloody stressful once I think about it.

no mood, no blog

I don't have any mood to write blog recently at all. I am writing this now is just because I am fucking bored at this moment.

Depression dominates me everyday, without any specific reason.
Everthing goes on wonderfully around me. I am supposed to be a fucking happy guy in the world. However, I said I have some terrific psychic problem which is going to kill me.

The only thing made me sort of excited last week is the "great change" we will have with TransMarket.
I have to admit I am fucking lucky guy.

Kept reading a very long fantastic fiction and playing WOW day and night last week. I would have fallen.

There is no reason for me to write anymore. It's such void and tired...

George Soros and got fired

The most famous thing Soros did in the finicial market is he won 1 billion dollars just in one day by trading pound futures at 1992. I heard this impressive story from Naresh.
In this afternoon, Soros gave a speech at Raffle City in Singapore. Gerard, Foochye and I attended it and it's funny that we seat in the first VIP row just because no one knows who we are.
All Soros talks about isn't finance at all. It's about Open Society and democracy. He tries to use his huge money and terrific influence to spread the Open Society in the world. The crucial thing is, sometimes people have to seat down and listen to him because they respect him and be sort of afraid of him.
He has been 75 years old. From my sight, it's really too old for a person to enjoy the countless fortune.

Actually, I couldn't understand most of the speech because of my fucking english ability.
It really depresses me as hell that I still cannot pronounce English well or even express what I think properly.
It has been the most serious obstacle bothering me everyday. I feel fucking irritated with myself.

One more thing, I got fired today, in the morning. Man Financial fired all 5 of us just because they don't want this department.
It's totally ok, all the things are under our prospect and I got a good termination payment.
It's supposed to be a big money for me. However, I indeed have no feeling with it. I notice maybe the only impressive and valuable money is the next dollar I will spend but not the number in bank. I practically don't know why I have this strange thought though I still a poor guy at all.

Otherwise, I got some serious problem right now, regarding if I can stay in Singapore anymore.
I don't feel such worried as before because Gerard and Naresh are the people can trust.